Archive for the ‘Collaboration Skills’ Category

How much are you willing to trust your partner?

nestI am Orgasmic Meditation Practitioner, otherwise, known as an OMer. I have been practicing orgasmic meditation for over a year and a half. I came to learn about orgasmic meditation from a writing coach that felt this practice increased clarity in her life, increased her business profits, and gave her new language to express herself. Sounded intriguing to me. ☺ When she explained the practice to me I thought, “I’m in.”

What is orgasmic meditation? Orgasmic Meditation as defined by One Taste www.onetaste.us is “A 15-minute, partnered consciousness practice where a stroker strokes the clitoris of a strokee for 15 minutes with no goal other than to feel sensation.”

I dove into this practice because I have learned from my past experiences it’s best to learn as much as I can. And do not jump in and out of a practice… that’s dabbling. Dabbling in theory isn’t a bad idea but from a knowledge-based approach, dabbling isn’t enough. You might think you KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, but instead you are just a novice getting caught up or stuck in your own drama, head- trips, and blind spots.

How often does this apply to you? Are you are involved in a project or a relationship at your “understanding level” and then it starts to unravel? It’s like “just when I thought I knew” I don’t. Do you make assumptions about trusting another person (personal or professional) to only find out they were not accurate?

What I discovered about this practice was the concept of the container that means how you perform OMing is expected to be clear, concise, and direct. It’s not four-play, you do not add anything, like music or essential oils, or remove anything from the practice. Just stick to the OM container and everything else needs to wait outside is essentially the message.

This has been my biggest challenge as a conscientious practitioner because I want to break it even though I have the KNOWLEDGE BASE about what could happen. What happens you may wonder? You are no longer OMing you are dabbling. My writing coach friend used to say OMing is often a reflection of your life.

I have come to understand that I trust myself more when I OM. It’s because I have spent 15 minutes of my focused exquisite attention on myself and my partner without judgment, without my monkey mind running amok, and without my fear telling me I can’t do this. OM has also enhanced my other meditation and yoga practices. OM has increased profits in my business, improved my relationships, and increased clarity in my desires.

That’s nice you might think what about trusting your partner? What has this got to do with a meditation practice? Notice again what I said increases and what deceases in this practice.

Increases in clarity & self-confidence
• Increased business profits
• Improved relationships

• Decreases in doubt & judgment
• Decreases in fear
• Decreases in drama

Of course my results may not be your results if you dabble or try it one to a handful of times? And even if you practice weekly you may not experience the exact same results as me. I never said it was a competition. ☺

I have had a consistent OM partner for about a year and we have learned to hold the container, even though we still want to break it by adding a little of this or say
“Just one more thing.” We have learned the practice and have decided to simply OM.

We have begun to increase our trust and we notice that we have a limbic connection, which translates to non-OMers – we can feel each other☺ I don’t mean at a Marvel Comic mind-reading level. I mean we have a shared connection and there is space for the emotions as well as the support. I had an experience with my OM partner that once I was asked in a room full of people what I desired. He could feel my answer as we both said it.

My partner and I have discussed how challenging and scary it can be to trust your partner when you aren’t sure? If they are requesting a movement change that frankly you cannot see or know for certain, can you do it? Please note the language use of can (meaning ability only not should which is shame based word)?

How does this play out in your life move without seeing the next certain steps? What do you do? Clients I have coached have learned to trust their desire and not focus on what if? Remember those dramas, head-trips, and blind spots… that often increased our doubt, judgment, and fear. Clients I have coached have learned to trust their feelings so when a partner requests more trust they can decide independent of guilt, fear, or shame.

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

How to Reset your Career in times of Layoffs

Have you ever been laid off? If you have or feared you might be it’s often the most devastating professional experience you can have.

One of my clients expressed to me that getting laid off wasn’t a good thing. She said it was like “being thrown into a murky red sea filled with sharks and monsters.” She wasn’t sure about what was safe, what would make her ok, or what else she could do?

If you are like some Americans they live paycheck to paycheck and a layoff with some notice is helpful, but most are laid off with less than two weeks notice. This is frightening!

What do you tell your creditors, your friends, and your family? Where to start to pick up the pieces?

Here are some tried and true things to remember during a layoff:

1) Remain professional AND don’t burn any bridges. This is not the time to tell people what you really think of them in person or on Social Media. If you can thank your prior employer and co-workers for the experience, this is good enough.

2) Ask for contact information and reference information from your coworkers and the company. You will need this information for your next job and once you remember step 1 to be professional it will help.

3) Consider lateral transfers, both permanent and temporary. If you are able to negotiate your layoff by accepting a different position in the company or a temporary place do if you prefer to have more time at your current employer.

4) Remember to run a cash flow analysis of your funds.

So then what?

In my opinion, this is where the real work begins. Yes if you are willing, able, and the opportunity presents itself you can accept temporary work assignments for as long as you need to.

However, what does it mean to restart your career after a layoff, just work for the other companies’ competitor? Or does it mean you find what makes you spark?

Here are some important steps to find your spark?
1) Get clear on what you don’t want with your next permanent assignment or position. That’s really the most important first step. Many times we try to “go for the gold” position and quite frankly we aren’t always ready. We aren’t ready because sometimes we try to bargain with our fears if we are really worthy of the gold position. This comes across sometimes as we don’t know what we want and we remain uncertain. The best way to deal with uncertainty is to accept it as a moving state and focus on for sure we don’t want the following things.

For me, when I was laid off I didn’t want to work another supervisor that I didn’t trust. I was laid off same day with no pay, no prospects, and no contacts.

I wanted to be able to feel and see their support as a manager and anytime I felt it waned I looked for another job. Guess what? That has never happened I have never been laid off again because I learned that as soon as my supervisor’s support waned it was time for me to move on.

2) Get clear on what you do want. This is when creating a list of needs, duties, and FEELINGS of what you desire is good. The feelings are the most important because if you can’t feel what the new will be like go back to what you don’t want. a kernel of truth will show up and that’s what you want to focus on.

3) Start to evaluate and utilize what you do have. This means evaluate your resources. Review your contacts, skills, talents, and motivation. This will help formulate your choices. When I was laid off with no warning I was on my phone before I hit the parking lot calling and texting friends for support, reaching out to see if they knew of any jobs in my field, and how would they describe me as a job candidate? Because right then I couldn’t think of myself as marketable. Within 48 hours, everyone I knew had contacted me given their support, made suggestions, looked at my resume, took my resume to their bosses, offered up leads, and then asked the most important question, “What are you going to do?”

4) It is our choices that define us not our abilities. Do you know what my answer was? I have a new job right now! It was that simple and it worked!

But what about Shock and Grief?

Any kind of transition in our lives requires reflection and time to process. The important thing to remember is once the basics are handled never forget your choice to stay committed to yourself. You can work “doing a job” while you learning to delve into your passion. Most folks I have met it takes them sometime to figure out what they really want to do with their careers and their lives. Part of the reason for the layoff is to call to your attention this isn’t working and what else could I be doing?

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

The Secret Sauce to Effective Collaboration: Temperament, Motivation, Ability, Resources & Decision-Making

In my last BLOG I wrote about what makes collaboration work with Your Keys to Collaborate Effectively. I have met many working professionals, business owners, and executives that struggle with a difficult business collaboration.

What often draws you to another individual can also be the reason to repel you. Some folks are extremely charismatic and full of energy. They may be what I call the shiny object in the room with lots of sparkle. With time you may learn they have little to no substance. They may seem incredibly generous with a face-to-face conversation and just can’t seem to keep an appointment with you unless it’s late at night or the weekends.

I too have received 3 am FB messages from an amazing business professional to realize that when they do think of our collaboration its late at night and in a hurried manner of “Sorry its so late but…”

When one desires for collaboration one often thinks their fellow co-collaborator is just like them when it comes to temperament, motivation, ability, resources, and decision making – the reality that is rarely the case.

What to look for in terms of temperament?

  1. Accountability
  2. Flexibility
  3. Knowledge Based or SME- Subject Matter Expertise
  4. Excellent Communication Skills
  5. Good Conflict Management Skills

No one has to be a 10 in all of these areas but it’s good to know if you are collaborating with a yes person that may ask a critical question only if they feel comfortable.

Motivation and Ability are at the crux in determining how your collaboration is going? Sometimes, it’s the only way to see if you can remain in the collaboration or just simply move forward.

What to know about the difference between Motivation and Ability?

Remember the charismatic shiny object person I mentioned earlier that may have high ability but low motivation to work with you. Except, you aren’t entirely sure or you think it’s best in business to always extend yourself to them. The easiest way to understand the difference: motivation CANNOT overcome ANY lack of ability.

Did you ever consider what kinds of resources you have and are willing to share with your collaborator? Did you ever think about their resources and what they are willing to share? Resources can be tools, contacts, cash, and role functions.

***Role functions are important resource particularly if the collaboration is an event like a play, fund-raiser, or a communications event- radio show, TV program. How many times someone has been a host, or played a role in a play can be an important asset to the team and their knowledge is resource material. ***

Collaborative decision-making often requires excellent communication skills and good conflict management skills.

Here is what usually prevents effective decisions to be made:

  1. Too little information
  2. Too much information
  3. People-Pleasing
  4. Emotional attachments
  5. No emotional attachments

Here are some strategies for effective decision-making:

  1. Create some brain-storming session(s) around road blocks or barriers
  2. Set-up a time scale
  3. Allow for some folks to make a decision and not having to wait for consensus
  4. Weigh and determine Risks
  5. Be clear on goal or purpose or values of collaboration at the beginning and reflect on these throughout the collaboration

The secret-sauce to collaboration often requires consistent communication, well-defined responsibilities, and allowing for the unknown.

 

Your Keys to Collaborate Effectively

Years ago, I was asked to collaborate for an event with other fellow entrepreneurs. We had a wellness idea and we met more than once to discuss how we would market the event, share responsibilities, and communicate our concerns or if we needed more help. I completed the marketing for the event and too many other practitioners didn’t fulfill their responsibilities. I did my best two weeks outside of our event to complete their tasks since they said were “overwhelmed” and had done nothing! The event in my mind should have been cancelled but I was told by a mentor to not quit.

Guess what? No one showed for the event after all of the marketing I completed and after I had picked up the “newly acquired” duties. I spent money on the event and lost money on the event. I vowed NEVER AGAIN!

Collaboration is done often in business as a highly recommended tool to acquire more clients or sales. However, collaboration is messy.

In order to collaborate effectively there needs to be a level of mutual, common, or joint effort, communication, and desire.

Many times collaboration isn’t an equal pairing of share responsibilities and communication. Although, many professionals, board members, and teammates will tell me they think it is. Hence, a teachable moment is about to come to fruition. Do you have the mindset, the skills, and the temperament to handle when there is difference or a crisis?

You are not alone most of us don’t and if we do we may still avoid the conflict- hoping somebody will figure it out.

Here are the keys to collaborate effectively with any professional, board member, or teammate.

1) A great idea creates spark! Hopefully, this spark will allow for desire to spread to everyone involved and mutual consideration will follow. Please note mutual doesn’t mean equal. It just means there is common interest.

2) Evaluate an idea or ideas against an objective measure. Let’s say there is an event or project that could be completed, is a seasonal idea? How quickly could it be “pulled together”? How much money is estimated? How much time has been considered? Resources? Has anyone done this before? If so does anyone know if it worked? If there are too many “ifs or concerns” the idea may be tabled or redesigned. However, if there are too many “yes people” at the table then it may continue when the red flags are already waving.

3) Action or implementation of idea. This is often where most collaboration can fail because it puts everyone’s communication skills to the test. If you like to brainstorm before implementation and you are asking for opinions and your collaborator may have no patience and could simply ask you “to just do it.” This can create some resentment, failed implementation, and overall doubt. This is never fun and choosing to rise to the occasion is not always an ideal scenario. Think Reality TV when chefs are yelling at other chefs.

4) Lastly, how is success being measured? If it’s a nonprofit event what are the goals? If it’s a team project was the outcome achieved? If it’s a sales event how many units were sold?

This seems like a fairly straightforward “adulting” formula for collaboration. Here is what I have learned about the secret sauce to effective collaboration: Temperament, Motivation, Ability, Resources & Decision-Making.

Do you and your fellow collaborators have similar temperaments when it comes to their desire, communication skills, and self-awareness? Are they motivated? Do they have the right abilities? What are their resources? Do they use them or do they expect you to use yours? How does sound and solid does their decision-making seem to you?

I coach women daily on how to not just get along but how to find their strengths, use their talents and gifts so they don’t feel like servants or pawns or just plain misunderstood at work.
If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

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