Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

How much are you willing to trust your partner?

nestI am Orgasmic Meditation Practitioner, otherwise, known as an OMer. I have been practicing orgasmic meditation for over a year and a half. I came to learn about orgasmic meditation from a writing coach that felt this practice increased clarity in her life, increased her business profits, and gave her new language to express herself. Sounded intriguing to me. ☺ When she explained the practice to me I thought, “I’m in.”

What is orgasmic meditation? Orgasmic Meditation as defined by One Taste www.onetaste.us is “A 15-minute, partnered consciousness practice where a stroker strokes the clitoris of a strokee for 15 minutes with no goal other than to feel sensation.”

I dove into this practice because I have learned from my past experiences it’s best to learn as much as I can. And do not jump in and out of a practice… that’s dabbling. Dabbling in theory isn’t a bad idea but from a knowledge-based approach, dabbling isn’t enough. You might think you KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, but instead you are just a novice getting caught up or stuck in your own drama, head- trips, and blind spots.

How often does this apply to you? Are you are involved in a project or a relationship at your “understanding level” and then it starts to unravel? It’s like “just when I thought I knew” I don’t. Do you make assumptions about trusting another person (personal or professional) to only find out they were not accurate?

What I discovered about this practice was the concept of the container that means how you perform OMing is expected to be clear, concise, and direct. It’s not four-play, you do not add anything, like music or essential oils, or remove anything from the practice. Just stick to the OM container and everything else needs to wait outside is essentially the message.

This has been my biggest challenge as a conscientious practitioner because I want to break it even though I have the KNOWLEDGE BASE about what could happen. What happens you may wonder? You are no longer OMing you are dabbling. My writing coach friend used to say OMing is often a reflection of your life.

I have come to understand that I trust myself more when I OM. It’s because I have spent 15 minutes of my focused exquisite attention on myself and my partner without judgment, without my monkey mind running amok, and without my fear telling me I can’t do this. OM has also enhanced my other meditation and yoga practices. OM has increased profits in my business, improved my relationships, and increased clarity in my desires.

That’s nice you might think what about trusting your partner? What has this got to do with a meditation practice? Notice again what I said increases and what deceases in this practice.

Increases in clarity & self-confidence
• Increased business profits
• Improved relationships

• Decreases in doubt & judgment
• Decreases in fear
• Decreases in drama

Of course my results may not be your results if you dabble or try it one to a handful of times? And even if you practice weekly you may not experience the exact same results as me. I never said it was a competition. ☺

I have had a consistent OM partner for about a year and we have learned to hold the container, even though we still want to break it by adding a little of this or say
“Just one more thing.” We have learned the practice and have decided to simply OM.

We have begun to increase our trust and we notice that we have a limbic connection, which translates to non-OMers – we can feel each other☺ I don’t mean at a Marvel Comic mind-reading level. I mean we have a shared connection and there is space for the emotions as well as the support. I had an experience with my OM partner that once I was asked in a room full of people what I desired. He could feel my answer as we both said it.

My partner and I have discussed how challenging and scary it can be to trust your partner when you aren’t sure? If they are requesting a movement change that frankly you cannot see or know for certain, can you do it? Please note the language use of can (meaning ability only not should which is shame based word)?

How does this play out in your life move without seeing the next certain steps? What do you do? Clients I have coached have learned to trust their desire and not focus on what if? Remember those dramas, head-trips, and blind spots… that often increased our doubt, judgment, and fear. Clients I have coached have learned to trust their feelings so when a partner requests more trust they can decide independent of guilt, fear, or shame.

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

The Secret Sauce to Effective Collaboration: Temperament, Motivation, Ability, Resources & Decision-Making

In my last BLOG I wrote about what makes collaboration work with Your Keys to Collaborate Effectively. I have met many working professionals, business owners, and executives that struggle with a difficult business collaboration.

What often draws you to another individual can also be the reason to repel you. Some folks are extremely charismatic and full of energy. They may be what I call the shiny object in the room with lots of sparkle. With time you may learn they have little to no substance. They may seem incredibly generous with a face-to-face conversation and just can’t seem to keep an appointment with you unless it’s late at night or the weekends.

I too have received 3 am FB messages from an amazing business professional to realize that when they do think of our collaboration its late at night and in a hurried manner of “Sorry its so late but…”

When one desires for collaboration one often thinks their fellow co-collaborator is just like them when it comes to temperament, motivation, ability, resources, and decision making – the reality that is rarely the case.

What to look for in terms of temperament?

  1. Accountability
  2. Flexibility
  3. Knowledge Based or SME- Subject Matter Expertise
  4. Excellent Communication Skills
  5. Good Conflict Management Skills

No one has to be a 10 in all of these areas but it’s good to know if you are collaborating with a yes person that may ask a critical question only if they feel comfortable.

Motivation and Ability are at the crux in determining how your collaboration is going? Sometimes, it’s the only way to see if you can remain in the collaboration or just simply move forward.

What to know about the difference between Motivation and Ability?

Remember the charismatic shiny object person I mentioned earlier that may have high ability but low motivation to work with you. Except, you aren’t entirely sure or you think it’s best in business to always extend yourself to them. The easiest way to understand the difference: motivation CANNOT overcome ANY lack of ability.

Did you ever consider what kinds of resources you have and are willing to share with your collaborator? Did you ever think about their resources and what they are willing to share? Resources can be tools, contacts, cash, and role functions.

***Role functions are important resource particularly if the collaboration is an event like a play, fund-raiser, or a communications event- radio show, TV program. How many times someone has been a host, or played a role in a play can be an important asset to the team and their knowledge is resource material. ***

Collaborative decision-making often requires excellent communication skills and good conflict management skills.

Here is what usually prevents effective decisions to be made:

  1. Too little information
  2. Too much information
  3. People-Pleasing
  4. Emotional attachments
  5. No emotional attachments

Here are some strategies for effective decision-making:

  1. Create some brain-storming session(s) around road blocks or barriers
  2. Set-up a time scale
  3. Allow for some folks to make a decision and not having to wait for consensus
  4. Weigh and determine Risks
  5. Be clear on goal or purpose or values of collaboration at the beginning and reflect on these throughout the collaboration

The secret-sauce to collaboration often requires consistent communication, well-defined responsibilities, and allowing for the unknown.

 

Your Keys to Collaborate Effectively

Years ago, I was asked to collaborate for an event with other fellow entrepreneurs. We had a wellness idea and we met more than once to discuss how we would market the event, share responsibilities, and communicate our concerns or if we needed more help. I completed the marketing for the event and too many other practitioners didn’t fulfill their responsibilities. I did my best two weeks outside of our event to complete their tasks since they said were “overwhelmed” and had done nothing! The event in my mind should have been cancelled but I was told by a mentor to not quit.

Guess what? No one showed for the event after all of the marketing I completed and after I had picked up the “newly acquired” duties. I spent money on the event and lost money on the event. I vowed NEVER AGAIN!

Collaboration is done often in business as a highly recommended tool to acquire more clients or sales. However, collaboration is messy.

In order to collaborate effectively there needs to be a level of mutual, common, or joint effort, communication, and desire.

Many times collaboration isn’t an equal pairing of share responsibilities and communication. Although, many professionals, board members, and teammates will tell me they think it is. Hence, a teachable moment is about to come to fruition. Do you have the mindset, the skills, and the temperament to handle when there is difference or a crisis?

You are not alone most of us don’t and if we do we may still avoid the conflict- hoping somebody will figure it out.

Here are the keys to collaborate effectively with any professional, board member, or teammate.

1) A great idea creates spark! Hopefully, this spark will allow for desire to spread to everyone involved and mutual consideration will follow. Please note mutual doesn’t mean equal. It just means there is common interest.

2) Evaluate an idea or ideas against an objective measure. Let’s say there is an event or project that could be completed, is a seasonal idea? How quickly could it be “pulled together”? How much money is estimated? How much time has been considered? Resources? Has anyone done this before? If so does anyone know if it worked? If there are too many “ifs or concerns” the idea may be tabled or redesigned. However, if there are too many “yes people” at the table then it may continue when the red flags are already waving.

3) Action or implementation of idea. This is often where most collaboration can fail because it puts everyone’s communication skills to the test. If you like to brainstorm before implementation and you are asking for opinions and your collaborator may have no patience and could simply ask you “to just do it.” This can create some resentment, failed implementation, and overall doubt. This is never fun and choosing to rise to the occasion is not always an ideal scenario. Think Reality TV when chefs are yelling at other chefs.

4) Lastly, how is success being measured? If it’s a nonprofit event what are the goals? If it’s a team project was the outcome achieved? If it’s a sales event how many units were sold?

This seems like a fairly straightforward “adulting” formula for collaboration. Here is what I have learned about the secret sauce to effective collaboration: Temperament, Motivation, Ability, Resources & Decision-Making.

Do you and your fellow collaborators have similar temperaments when it comes to their desire, communication skills, and self-awareness? Are they motivated? Do they have the right abilities? What are their resources? Do they use them or do they expect you to use yours? How does sound and solid does their decision-making seem to you?

I coach women daily on how to not just get along but how to find their strengths, use their talents and gifts so they don’t feel like servants or pawns or just plain misunderstood at work.
If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

How to Succeed By Being Your Best Self at Work!

Work is an important part of our lives and according to Steve Jobs, ” Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” Truth!

But what about co-workers, you know the difficult, the challenging, the annoying, and the complaining co-workers? How do sophisticated, heart-centered, fun, hardworking, woman go to work with all of these folks?

I have found there is a very large difference with job duties and the quality of other women workers that can make all the difference whether you remain in your current position, current company, or career path.

Years ago I was assigned to a team of women because it was thought we would be better analysts and communicators than the men. I soon discovered there was hierarchy that the self-imposed queen wanted servants and not peers, professionals, or colleagues. Her years of knowledge and experience weren’t that much more than anyone else but not to her, sound familiar? I don’t know about you but I consider myself to be a performer in my own right not better than anyone else but I too have my gifts and talents to share. I want everyone to able to shine so how did I handle this situation? Not too well I’m afraid. I played nice, I played NOT nice, I ignored, I hid, and surprise nothing worked. I eventually left and the queen bee won and more servants for her team.

I found myself to be chief whiner/blamer/ and victim after this experience. I couldn’t understand why a simple thing I thought I learned at school -let’s aim to get along was ignored. Work isn’t school there are no teachers or parents to overrule or oversee the problems. Instead, it’s up to us. A women’s team is a perfect example as women we tear each other down instead of lifting each other up.

What did I learn from this experience?

1) Hierarchy can be normal and learning to find your place in that kind of arrangement is often necessary.

2) I learned how to heal my voice by learning from my peers on how I speak and I came across wasn’t always what I intended.

3) I developed my own leadership style that balanced my masculine and feminine sides. I then felt authentic instead of pretending to be nice, not nice, ignoring, or hiding.

4) Lastly, I learned how to transmute my difficult conversations and situations with ease.

I coach women daily on how to not just get along but how to find their strengths, use their talents and gifts so they don’t feel like servants or pawns in a nasty battle at work.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

Feeling IN2 the UNKNOWN

For years I have changed my mind or was it reinvented about connecting to my authentic self? I often felt I was in an unknown process because how could I really measure this? It was just a feeling and looking around at my life? Most days my life felt so heavy, so tiring, and so unfulfilled.

I have always wanted to have MORE in my life:abundance, love, happiness, excitement, health, and desire. And for some reason my life FELT like it was moving at a snail’s pace:(

I would try to manage my desires and my goals into my top three. This helped but still I didn’t feel connected into my authentic self most of the time. HOW?

What I didn’t realize is inch by inch, hour by hour, and month by month I had trained myself to believe that all that was happening NOW was all I could HAVE. I started to feel cursed.

I decided the best way to remove my curse was to cast a new spell. I realized my thoughts moved at a certain frequency and this frequency is only heard, received, danced, and played at these frequencies. For instance, can you play or dance a soft slow moving song that is loud and fast AT THE SAME VIBRATIONAL frequency. Not likely because when we change the sound or the rhythm of our music it FEELS like something else. It’s not that we can’t relate to the music it’s just different.

I decided that my vibration mattered much on how I was feeling. If I was full of self-doubt, fear, and trying to control my environment I would start to deteriorate inside, spiraling inside while feeling like I couldn’t stop. I kept feeling like a snake that was eating it’s own tail.

I affirmed after years of not too much accomplished that I would begin a process of admiring the unknown instead of fearing and recreating it. I decided to admire the unknown as an opportunity through dance, meditation, and meaningful conversations with friends and family. I decided no matter how I felt before I danced, meditated, and connected with friends and family- my life began to transform. Life got easier because I was feeling that vibration of freedom, security, easiness, and niceness.

I became to be known at the adventurous seeker with a large heart that was experiencing miraculous shifts.

An opportunity arose through a friend of mine to meet a mystical guy that does energy attunement. Come again, I thought? Yet, I was curious to see what this would be like. Attunement, alignment, or authentic self- sure let’s try this.

I did and my energy was attuned and aligned in a way that I feel completely and totally whole. How did it happen? The best way I can describe it- he hugged me hear to heart. Yes a hug- that was it. His energy when he wills it helps align folks to their souls.

I realized I had traveled my journey this whole time to do something about how I felt about the unknown. I am now fully present in the moment because I feel aligned to my soul.

To simply put this clearly as I can I knew at a deeper level I wasn’t feeling confident, aligned, or authentic. I realized my main issue was fear of the unknown that created a lot of my own personal dramas. I decided to take a path to embrace my fear of the unknown and sure enough an experience arrived once I was ready. I now feel attuned, aligned, and authentic. I am no longer hesitating, fearful, or caught up with annoying thoughts in my head.

That is a miracle:)

Relationship Coaching: The What, Why, When, Where and How

November 25th, 2013 | relationship coaching, relationships
Women often ask me to explain what relationship coaching is. They ask:
  • Why do I need relationship coaching?
  • When should I think about relationship coaching?
  • How does it work?

During a relationship coaching session, we uncover your negative relationship patterns and I help you transform those into relationship success.

Can you think of a time when you wanted desperately to connect with people you care about, but you seemed to fall short, miss the mark or just feel like a total failure?

Does this sound like you?

Why Relationship Coaching?

I believe that relationships are our most important resource on this planet and it’s about time all us start to invest in them, instead of taking them for granted! We can always make more money, buy things or feel important, but if we do not take precious time to invest in our relationships, then our relationships suffer.

Stop staying awake at night worrying or suffering in silence with “tummy issues.” This is your life and it’s OK to take charge of yourself and your investment in your relationships.

When Do I Need A Relationship Coach?

First of all ,you need a relationship coach more then you think. You definitely need one when you keep trying to get new results with the same old repetitive actions.

How much time and energy do you spend trying to solve your relationship dilemmas? Exhausted, aren’t you?

Where Does Relationship Coaching Take Place? 

Relationship coaching can occur in person at my office or yours. Virtual Options: Skype, Google Chat or via phone.

How Does Relationship Coaching Work?

Relationship coaching works by laser-focusing in on your relationship dilemmas.

During your coaching session we will:

  • Map out your relationship roadblocks and success
  • Uncover some of your hidden and selected messages
  • Transform your blocks and hidden messages into relationship success

Then we utilize your mind, body and spirit connection to align and develop your place of power in relationships–so you won’t feel like a victim anymore.

Want More?

Contact me if you have any additional questions or want to sign up for a Relationship Coaching Session

Introduction to My Website

3 Keys To Your Personal Happiness in Relationships

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