Archive for the ‘self-confidence’ Category

How much are you willing to trust your partner?

nestI am Orgasmic Meditation Practitioner, otherwise, known as an OMer. I have been practicing orgasmic meditation for over a year and a half. I came to learn about orgasmic meditation from a writing coach that felt this practice increased clarity in her life, increased her business profits, and gave her new language to express herself. Sounded intriguing to me. ☺ When she explained the practice to me I thought, “I’m in.”

What is orgasmic meditation? Orgasmic Meditation as defined by One Taste www.onetaste.us is “A 15-minute, partnered consciousness practice where a stroker strokes the clitoris of a strokee for 15 minutes with no goal other than to feel sensation.”

I dove into this practice because I have learned from my past experiences it’s best to learn as much as I can. And do not jump in and out of a practice… that’s dabbling. Dabbling in theory isn’t a bad idea but from a knowledge-based approach, dabbling isn’t enough. You might think you KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, but instead you are just a novice getting caught up or stuck in your own drama, head- trips, and blind spots.

How often does this apply to you? Are you are involved in a project or a relationship at your “understanding level” and then it starts to unravel? It’s like “just when I thought I knew” I don’t. Do you make assumptions about trusting another person (personal or professional) to only find out they were not accurate?

What I discovered about this practice was the concept of the container that means how you perform OMing is expected to be clear, concise, and direct. It’s not four-play, you do not add anything, like music or essential oils, or remove anything from the practice. Just stick to the OM container and everything else needs to wait outside is essentially the message.

This has been my biggest challenge as a conscientious practitioner because I want to break it even though I have the KNOWLEDGE BASE about what could happen. What happens you may wonder? You are no longer OMing you are dabbling. My writing coach friend used to say OMing is often a reflection of your life.

I have come to understand that I trust myself more when I OM. It’s because I have spent 15 minutes of my focused exquisite attention on myself and my partner without judgment, without my monkey mind running amok, and without my fear telling me I can’t do this. OM has also enhanced my other meditation and yoga practices. OM has increased profits in my business, improved my relationships, and increased clarity in my desires.

That’s nice you might think what about trusting your partner? What has this got to do with a meditation practice? Notice again what I said increases and what deceases in this practice.

Increases in clarity & self-confidence
• Increased business profits
• Improved relationships

• Decreases in doubt & judgment
• Decreases in fear
• Decreases in drama

Of course my results may not be your results if you dabble or try it one to a handful of times? And even if you practice weekly you may not experience the exact same results as me. I never said it was a competition. ☺

I have had a consistent OM partner for about a year and we have learned to hold the container, even though we still want to break it by adding a little of this or say
“Just one more thing.” We have learned the practice and have decided to simply OM.

We have begun to increase our trust and we notice that we have a limbic connection, which translates to non-OMers – we can feel each other☺ I don’t mean at a Marvel Comic mind-reading level. I mean we have a shared connection and there is space for the emotions as well as the support. I had an experience with my OM partner that once I was asked in a room full of people what I desired. He could feel my answer as we both said it.

My partner and I have discussed how challenging and scary it can be to trust your partner when you aren’t sure? If they are requesting a movement change that frankly you cannot see or know for certain, can you do it? Please note the language use of can (meaning ability only not should which is shame based word)?

How does this play out in your life move without seeing the next certain steps? What do you do? Clients I have coached have learned to trust their desire and not focus on what if? Remember those dramas, head-trips, and blind spots… that often increased our doubt, judgment, and fear. Clients I have coached have learned to trust their feelings so when a partner requests more trust they can decide independent of guilt, fear, or shame.

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

When a good person meets a bad system, the system always wins…

“When a good person meets a bad system, the system always wins.” – Frank Voehl”

In light of our current political or corporate climate we may believe this quote on a bad day. I remember hearing over and over early on in my career that “absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

I would see this all the time when somebody was a nice person, a good friend, or a mentor and they would seem to change overnight. We, the front line folks, thought the administration, the top brass in the ivory towers, finally heard us and gave us a good supervisor. This supervisor understood us, our day-to-day business duties, and could give us the information we desired. They could stand up to the bad system!

Instead, we the common folk would watch in horror, as our favorite soon became our unfavorite. We suddenly see our sense of value at work just deteriorate and the same problems happen over and over again.

We would complain to a mentor and ask how to deal with them and ourselves? Shock, disbelief, anger, and sadness are all forms of a grieving cycle. Frankly, it sucks to grieve at work.

I remember more than once working with “good” colleagues that seemed to know how to stay above the fray at work, had excellent working reputations, and were effective communicators. What some of us didn’t foresee, that these newly minted leaders became gruff, stopped listening, and would just “deliver” new policies and procedures without direction or consideration. Sounds familiar?

What I witnessed was a transformation of good colleagues that really weren’t good. In order, to be good one cannot just “act like it.” The new were self-serving and dubious.

This (long plunge into a pit of despair of ruined expectations) happens daily at work for so many employees and colleagues. So why do we fall pray to believe that perhaps one person can change the system, when most just fail and act more like the system?

When I hear from my clients, my peers, my community, and my family whom do they admire a person who change the system or person who can play the system well? The answer is the one good person CAN change any system. Why else have hope?

So how does a good person communicate change in a bad system?

When change is about to happen in an organization here are few things to think about, does the following occur from leadership?
1. Describe what is going to happen.
2. Explain why the change is necessary.
3. Ask for reactions; listen to comments and feelings.
4. Acknowledge comments or objections and check for misunderstandings.
5. Ask for suggestions.
6. Follow through.

This seems simple enough because even mediocre leaders will do this.
I want to give you a secret I learned about good vs. bad leaders, colleagues, and supervisors.

There really is no such thing as good vs. bad. There is likable vs. unlikable and there is effective vs. ineffective. I discovered that good labels created such high and unachievable standards of greatness that invariably I and everyone else I met would eventually feel “crestfallen” with their choices. A professional bad label also created such a negative stereotype that no matter what this person did it wasn’t good enough.

However, when I realized I liked and didn’t like some folks that was my choice. I have professional values and so does everyone else. I also accepted the fact that some professionals only consider themselves at work- because that’s all they can control. I also learned effective vs. ineffective qualities are quantifiable. This meant that if the new leader wasn’t up to snuff that wasn’t my issue only a reflection of the current leadership abilities and choices.

The bottom line is that I never have to hand my power over to a “bad system.” When I all I need to do is look at my professional values. I could also choose to be an effective employee, colleague, or supervisor to the best of my ability. It may not be my choice if other professionals like me but I could certainly do my best to try.

The next time you are told there is a bad system out there and it’s a fixed game, notice how quickly everyone else hands over his or her power. That is the first sign of an ineffective, unlikable, and powerless person.

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.
If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

DO YOU WANT MORE IN YOUR CAREER?

Daily I speak with women in the workforce and daily I hear about how they want more in their careers. Not all women feel valued for their work. Why?

I have found working women try their best to manage themselves, their families, and their careers. They often don’t feel successful because of their time management, delegation of duties, and resources. “Oh well” you might say, “ That’s a first world problem.”

Problems are problems and when they aren’t addressed they don’t go away.

What do professional women really want?

VALUE- they want to be valued when they contribute, pick up the slack, and find a way to make it work. Nothing is better than then seeing a professional woman light up at work because what they did MATTERED and it was ACKNOWLEDGED.

When was the last time you felt valued at work? Were you just given an atta-girl or did you receive a financial reward, like a bonus? There is a great deal of professional research that shows that there is still gender pay disparity, which includes bonuses. This is a sobering fact for professional women. I also suggest not overlooking this nor be defined by this result.

Value starts with not only how we see our gifts and talents but also how we USE our gifts and talents. When professional women know what are their gifts and talents and how to use them they cannot be compromised or overlooked.

CERTAINTY- Professional women want to enjoy certainty, not necessarily control. Come again? Truth! Professional women want to know they will have paid opportunities because they believe in themselves. That sounds simple enough! Let’s read The Secret or invest in some Affirmations. Wait! Why isn’t that working?

Certainty is a challenge when you are filled with DOUBT. If you are up at night and filled with doubt about your abilities, work, management, you’re friends, and your family, it’s hard to imagine anything else but the current fears.

For many professional women this means a steady diet of releasing their doubt while replacing it with certainty and trust. That is commitment! Something doubt may tell you, you can’t do because of A B and C reasons.

RISKS- Yes professional women desire risk! Why should then men get to be risky ones and we just stand back and support his risks and dreams? Every woman knows that behind a great man is a greater woman. Well then if we are greater why can’t we take risks?

Risk can be measured or calculated or they can just be impulsive. Isn’t great to know we as professional women can decide for ourselves how we want to experience or create risk. Mitigating risk is only one side of a coin. Please know that if you spend your whole life playing it safe you could feel bored, lonely, and bitter because you don’t feel truly alive.

I have clients that from late 20’s to mid 50’s that seek to make changes in their professional lives because they know it’s time to be valued, certain, and risky.
If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

The Secret Sauce to Effective Collaboration: Temperament, Motivation, Ability, Resources & Decision-Making

In my last BLOG I wrote about what makes collaboration work with Your Keys to Collaborate Effectively. I have met many working professionals, business owners, and executives that struggle with a difficult business collaboration.

What often draws you to another individual can also be the reason to repel you. Some folks are extremely charismatic and full of energy. They may be what I call the shiny object in the room with lots of sparkle. With time you may learn they have little to no substance. They may seem incredibly generous with a face-to-face conversation and just can’t seem to keep an appointment with you unless it’s late at night or the weekends.

I too have received 3 am FB messages from an amazing business professional to realize that when they do think of our collaboration its late at night and in a hurried manner of “Sorry its so late but…”

When one desires for collaboration one often thinks their fellow co-collaborator is just like them when it comes to temperament, motivation, ability, resources, and decision making – the reality that is rarely the case.

What to look for in terms of temperament?

  1. Accountability
  2. Flexibility
  3. Knowledge Based or SME- Subject Matter Expertise
  4. Excellent Communication Skills
  5. Good Conflict Management Skills

No one has to be a 10 in all of these areas but it’s good to know if you are collaborating with a yes person that may ask a critical question only if they feel comfortable.

Motivation and Ability are at the crux in determining how your collaboration is going? Sometimes, it’s the only way to see if you can remain in the collaboration or just simply move forward.

What to know about the difference between Motivation and Ability?

Remember the charismatic shiny object person I mentioned earlier that may have high ability but low motivation to work with you. Except, you aren’t entirely sure or you think it’s best in business to always extend yourself to them. The easiest way to understand the difference: motivation CANNOT overcome ANY lack of ability.

Did you ever consider what kinds of resources you have and are willing to share with your collaborator? Did you ever think about their resources and what they are willing to share? Resources can be tools, contacts, cash, and role functions.

***Role functions are important resource particularly if the collaboration is an event like a play, fund-raiser, or a communications event- radio show, TV program. How many times someone has been a host, or played a role in a play can be an important asset to the team and their knowledge is resource material. ***

Collaborative decision-making often requires excellent communication skills and good conflict management skills.

Here is what usually prevents effective decisions to be made:

  1. Too little information
  2. Too much information
  3. People-Pleasing
  4. Emotional attachments
  5. No emotional attachments

Here are some strategies for effective decision-making:

  1. Create some brain-storming session(s) around road blocks or barriers
  2. Set-up a time scale
  3. Allow for some folks to make a decision and not having to wait for consensus
  4. Weigh and determine Risks
  5. Be clear on goal or purpose or values of collaboration at the beginning and reflect on these throughout the collaboration

The secret-sauce to collaboration often requires consistent communication, well-defined responsibilities, and allowing for the unknown.

 

Your Keys to Collaborate Effectively

Years ago, I was asked to collaborate for an event with other fellow entrepreneurs. We had a wellness idea and we met more than once to discuss how we would market the event, share responsibilities, and communicate our concerns or if we needed more help. I completed the marketing for the event and too many other practitioners didn’t fulfill their responsibilities. I did my best two weeks outside of our event to complete their tasks since they said were “overwhelmed” and had done nothing! The event in my mind should have been cancelled but I was told by a mentor to not quit.

Guess what? No one showed for the event after all of the marketing I completed and after I had picked up the “newly acquired” duties. I spent money on the event and lost money on the event. I vowed NEVER AGAIN!

Collaboration is done often in business as a highly recommended tool to acquire more clients or sales. However, collaboration is messy.

In order to collaborate effectively there needs to be a level of mutual, common, or joint effort, communication, and desire.

Many times collaboration isn’t an equal pairing of share responsibilities and communication. Although, many professionals, board members, and teammates will tell me they think it is. Hence, a teachable moment is about to come to fruition. Do you have the mindset, the skills, and the temperament to handle when there is difference or a crisis?

You are not alone most of us don’t and if we do we may still avoid the conflict- hoping somebody will figure it out.

Here are the keys to collaborate effectively with any professional, board member, or teammate.

1) A great idea creates spark! Hopefully, this spark will allow for desire to spread to everyone involved and mutual consideration will follow. Please note mutual doesn’t mean equal. It just means there is common interest.

2) Evaluate an idea or ideas against an objective measure. Let’s say there is an event or project that could be completed, is a seasonal idea? How quickly could it be “pulled together”? How much money is estimated? How much time has been considered? Resources? Has anyone done this before? If so does anyone know if it worked? If there are too many “ifs or concerns” the idea may be tabled or redesigned. However, if there are too many “yes people” at the table then it may continue when the red flags are already waving.

3) Action or implementation of idea. This is often where most collaboration can fail because it puts everyone’s communication skills to the test. If you like to brainstorm before implementation and you are asking for opinions and your collaborator may have no patience and could simply ask you “to just do it.” This can create some resentment, failed implementation, and overall doubt. This is never fun and choosing to rise to the occasion is not always an ideal scenario. Think Reality TV when chefs are yelling at other chefs.

4) Lastly, how is success being measured? If it’s a nonprofit event what are the goals? If it’s a team project was the outcome achieved? If it’s a sales event how many units were sold?

This seems like a fairly straightforward “adulting” formula for collaboration. Here is what I have learned about the secret sauce to effective collaboration: Temperament, Motivation, Ability, Resources & Decision-Making.

Do you and your fellow collaborators have similar temperaments when it comes to their desire, communication skills, and self-awareness? Are they motivated? Do they have the right abilities? What are their resources? Do they use them or do they expect you to use yours? How does sound and solid does their decision-making seem to you?

I coach women daily on how to not just get along but how to find their strengths, use their talents and gifts so they don’t feel like servants or pawns or just plain misunderstood at work.
If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

How to Succeed By Being Your Best Self at Work!

Work is an important part of our lives and according to Steve Jobs, ” Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” Truth!

But what about co-workers, you know the difficult, the challenging, the annoying, and the complaining co-workers? How do sophisticated, heart-centered, fun, hardworking, woman go to work with all of these folks?

I have found there is a very large difference with job duties and the quality of other women workers that can make all the difference whether you remain in your current position, current company, or career path.

Years ago I was assigned to a team of women because it was thought we would be better analysts and communicators than the men. I soon discovered there was hierarchy that the self-imposed queen wanted servants and not peers, professionals, or colleagues. Her years of knowledge and experience weren’t that much more than anyone else but not to her, sound familiar? I don’t know about you but I consider myself to be a performer in my own right not better than anyone else but I too have my gifts and talents to share. I want everyone to able to shine so how did I handle this situation? Not too well I’m afraid. I played nice, I played NOT nice, I ignored, I hid, and surprise nothing worked. I eventually left and the queen bee won and more servants for her team.

I found myself to be chief whiner/blamer/ and victim after this experience. I couldn’t understand why a simple thing I thought I learned at school -let’s aim to get along was ignored. Work isn’t school there are no teachers or parents to overrule or oversee the problems. Instead, it’s up to us. A women’s team is a perfect example as women we tear each other down instead of lifting each other up.

What did I learn from this experience?

1) Hierarchy can be normal and learning to find your place in that kind of arrangement is often necessary.

2) I learned how to heal my voice by learning from my peers on how I speak and I came across wasn’t always what I intended.

3) I developed my own leadership style that balanced my masculine and feminine sides. I then felt authentic instead of pretending to be nice, not nice, ignoring, or hiding.

4) Lastly, I learned how to transmute my difficult conversations and situations with ease.

I coach women daily on how to not just get along but how to find their strengths, use their talents and gifts so they don’t feel like servants or pawns in a nasty battle at work.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

Feeling IN2 the UNKNOWN

For years I have changed my mind or was it reinvented about connecting to my authentic self? I often felt I was in an unknown process because how could I really measure this? It was just a feeling and looking around at my life? Most days my life felt so heavy, so tiring, and so unfulfilled.

I have always wanted to have MORE in my life:abundance, love, happiness, excitement, health, and desire. And for some reason my life FELT like it was moving at a snail’s pace:(

I would try to manage my desires and my goals into my top three. This helped but still I didn’t feel connected into my authentic self most of the time. HOW?

What I didn’t realize is inch by inch, hour by hour, and month by month I had trained myself to believe that all that was happening NOW was all I could HAVE. I started to feel cursed.

I decided the best way to remove my curse was to cast a new spell. I realized my thoughts moved at a certain frequency and this frequency is only heard, received, danced, and played at these frequencies. For instance, can you play or dance a soft slow moving song that is loud and fast AT THE SAME VIBRATIONAL frequency. Not likely because when we change the sound or the rhythm of our music it FEELS like something else. It’s not that we can’t relate to the music it’s just different.

I decided that my vibration mattered much on how I was feeling. If I was full of self-doubt, fear, and trying to control my environment I would start to deteriorate inside, spiraling inside while feeling like I couldn’t stop. I kept feeling like a snake that was eating it’s own tail.

I affirmed after years of not too much accomplished that I would begin a process of admiring the unknown instead of fearing and recreating it. I decided to admire the unknown as an opportunity through dance, meditation, and meaningful conversations with friends and family. I decided no matter how I felt before I danced, meditated, and connected with friends and family- my life began to transform. Life got easier because I was feeling that vibration of freedom, security, easiness, and niceness.

I became to be known at the adventurous seeker with a large heart that was experiencing miraculous shifts.

An opportunity arose through a friend of mine to meet a mystical guy that does energy attunement. Come again, I thought? Yet, I was curious to see what this would be like. Attunement, alignment, or authentic self- sure let’s try this.

I did and my energy was attuned and aligned in a way that I feel completely and totally whole. How did it happen? The best way I can describe it- he hugged me hear to heart. Yes a hug- that was it. His energy when he wills it helps align folks to their souls.

I realized I had traveled my journey this whole time to do something about how I felt about the unknown. I am now fully present in the moment because I feel aligned to my soul.

To simply put this clearly as I can I knew at a deeper level I wasn’t feeling confident, aligned, or authentic. I realized my main issue was fear of the unknown that created a lot of my own personal dramas. I decided to take a path to embrace my fear of the unknown and sure enough an experience arrived once I was ready. I now feel attuned, aligned, and authentic. I am no longer hesitating, fearful, or caught up with annoying thoughts in my head.

That is a miracle:)

The 10 Keys to Self-Confidence

August 21st, 2013 | self-confidence

Women often ask me how I’m so confident in my life, in my relationships and in my business. I used to be surprised by these questions, but over the years I’ve discovered that, for some women, self-confidence is something they dream of, but rarely experience.

Instead, some women live off of a steady diet of worry, fear and resentment.  And none of those feelings inspire self-confidence.

First of all, self-confidence is a necessary lifestyle change.

Think about this: truly self-confident women don’t sit around fearing the worst on the inside, but pretending to be on top of their game on the outside. They don’t do it because they don’t have to—their confidence is real.

Here are my 10 keys to having self-confidence:

Key #1: Challenge your self-confidence muscle

Key #2: Develop your own Power Poses to embody

Key #3: Get specific about where, when, with whom and how you want to be self-confident

Key #4: Find confident people who inspire you

Key #5: Discover your self-confidence music and listen daily

Key #6: Create your power posse

Key #7: Take time to boost other’s self-confidence

Key #8: Honor your fears, but don’t let them run away

Key #9: Watch your language

Key #10: Just Do It!

Introduction to My Website

3 Keys To Your Personal Happiness in Relationships

Get Daily Notes
A dose of inspiration delivered to your inbox

SIGN ME UP!