Conscious Movement Transformation

It’s been a few months since I have last posted. I had been in a writer’s deep dive immersion exploring, synthesizing, and calibrating my innovative voice. Now I am thrilled to reveal what I have learned about my process with the hardworking men and women that desire a solution to their doubt and fears.

The Harvey Weinstein scandal has been currently front page news for a few days. This scandal reminded me years ago when I was 19, I worked as a waitress. I remember I had to fight to be heard when a restaurant manager would put his hands on my body even after I told him no, chased me into a freezer to try kiss me, and stalked me outside of the restaurant. I complained loudly and fiercely to the owner, promised the manager that the police would be called if he didn’t stop, and eventually he was fired.
I was also told by the owner I was too dramatic because I complained too much. Come again? I stopped a predator and somehow this is my fault? This is another reason why some women and men don’t come forward because we often put other’s needs before ours. We learn from experiences that “teach” us to be more compliant in the workplace, demand cool and calm professionalism (never get excited if a crime is in the process of being committed), and you can always quit if it’s “too bad.”

I was very clear at 19 that no man had the right to touch me, my father was at home dying of terminal disease, and my mother lived in another state. My co-workers simply avoided the conversation and said to just stay away from him (the manager).
How long could I really be invisible at work? How long can anyone avoid a predator they work for? That’s not realistic. That’s not a plan and it’s by no means an innovative solution. I didn’t exactly have an ideal support network, there was no human resources, no advocate, and no mentor.

However, I did know that what he did was wrong and it was up to me to take care of myself. The owner seemed unconvinced in the beginning, so I convinced him. Did I forget to mention the manager had a sexual assault conviction and he was out on probation? We (the hostesses, waitresses, or kitchen staff) the women of the restaurant were never told before he was hired. I was told 6 months later after he was arrested for violating his probation that he had harmed another woman. I took no joy in hearing that news.

Brené Brown, author & researcher reminded us that the base for the word of courage is Coeur or Heart and in order to live courageously it means to live wholeheartedly.
I have learned to stand up myself and sometimes in very dysfunctional professional settings in my career. I also earned the reputation of a loose cannon, a drama queen, or a noisemaker in those arenas. Why? Because if the squeaky voice gets the grease it also gets the blame.

I’ve learned to address my tone so it’s more professional (who hasn’t had to improve their sense of professionalism and communication). I’ve also learned what my triggers are before I become “upset.”

Lastly, most importantly I’ve learned to value and appreciate my voice, my whole voice. My voice is courageous, kind, wise, and encouraging. I also accept full responsibility for my actions and apologize when necessary. That is difference between a loose cannon, a drama queen, or a noise-maker vs. a professional. A professional seeks improvement and doesn’t complain because it’s fashionable. This is where my innovative voice has been integrated in my mind, my body, and in my life.

My innovative voice happened because I was able to calibrate my mind to my heart and the results are amazing. I no longer struggle with guilt, old tapes of good girls stay quiet and don’t raise their voices, or feel powerless like nothing is going to change.

Innovation is often seen as a new way to solve a problem that is remarkable and simple. Yes! I quite agree my innovative voice knows what it wants to say and how to say it! I no longer struggle with how I can make everyone like me when I have unpopular news? How can I defend myself when someone tries to gaslight me or bully me?

I now understand that I struggled with two issues 1) what I know needed to be said and 2) how could I effectively be heard and seen? I learned that the sound of my voice as I have been told is comforting, delightful, and thoughtful. I have also been told I am enthusiastic, hilarious, with a keen intellect. Lastly, I celebrate that I am courageous and innovative enough to find my balance.

Let all of us seek our balance so we do not swallow our pride, hide out of fear, and believe that we must endure what’s clearly a problem.

Do you know who is your greatest partner? If they arrived today and you had a chance encounter would you even recognize them?

Some of my clients say, “ I don’t know” or “ I haven’t thought about it?”

I’m asking this important question now and do you have an answer?

“Two things define you: Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.” John Lubinski

I will tell you the story of how I found my greatest partner. I started my business 6 years ago and I knew that I was intelligent, hard working, and I was shrewd. I thought for sure I would start my business and I would do great.

Well, if great was financially struggling, getting pissed when things went badly, feeling absolutely terrified of what to do next, and TRYING SO HARD at everything -then yes I was doing great! As a matter of fact I was doing FANTASTIC (note the strong hint of sarcasm).

The truth is I needed a business coach and I needed a community of other business professionals and entrepreneurs to connect to and learn from. I had no idea how isolated I was while starting my business. I am an extrovert (which helps to promote your services) but not a very good at marketing myself. This is very common for nearly all entrepreneurs.

I am thrilled to say after three years of business I am in the black and so many other entrepreneurs never made it this far. I am truly blessed!

I did hire a business coach and I have several business communities that I am a member of. However, that is not where I discovered my greatest partner.

My greatest partner was ME!

I had spent and (sometimes I still do) years of doubting myself, fearing the worst, living through one disaster to the next. I honestly felt like I was in a dryer cycle filled with rocks that banged, clanged, and slammed together. Who goes into business for themselves? Who survives this madness?

Am I perfect at my business now because I have survived so much? NOPE!

I discovered my greatest partner is my BEST SELF, The REAL ME, and MY GENIUS at work. It’s the part of me that doesn’t just put out fires at work. It’s the part of me that believes in me no matter what. It’s the me that has been there the whole time. The ME that wanted to share and shine my gifts and talents on the world, because I felt called.

Why did it take me so long to discover this secret? Did I forget to mention my mother died about a year and half after I started my business? I was bereft over her loss for 3 years. I also had to deal with her estate and be a wife. To say I was overwhelmed with grief was an understatement.

How did I recognize my greatest partner when I knew I had failed at my business and what seemed like my life? I remembered my faith in myself when I started my business. I remembered even if I had done everything wrong, it didn’t matter because NOW I CHOSE to make the best choices and allow for my business miracle. (Btw, there are several companies that promote business miracles)J

What created my business miracle so I found my Greatest Partner? I went back to the things that I said I couldn’t do, and didn’t need to do.- doubt is so powerful. I knew I needed to be assertive and let go –remember the doubt. I needed to ask for the right business contracts.

There I was flat broke in a business networking meeting, did I forget to mention I had no cash for the networking meeting and my friend sponsored me? Yes it was that bad. I believed in that moment ALL THAT MATTERED was that I smiled to everyone and accepted my business was taken care of  because I believed it would happen now matter what! I wouldn’t leave the room until I made the connection. Guess what I received 3 business contract offers that day! I was finally in the black and I lived to survive another day.

“Faith is a palpable living and intelligent energy which creates, heals, and attracts what you have faith in.” Doreen Virtue.

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

I am Orgasmic Meditation Practitioner, otherwise, known as an OMer. I have been practicing orgasmic meditation for over a year and a half. I came to learn about orgasmic meditation from a writing coach that felt this practice increased clarity in her life, increased her business profits, and gave her new language to express herself. Sounded intriguing to me. ☺ When she explained the practice to me I thought, “I’m in.”

What is orgasmic meditation? Orgasmic Meditation as defined by One Taste www.onetaste.us is “A 15-minute, partnered consciousness practice where a stroker strokes the clitoris of a strokee for 15 minutes with no goal other than to feel sensation.”

I dove into this practice because I have learned from my past experiences it’s best to learn as much as I can. And do not jump in and out of a practice… that’s dabbling. Dabbling in theory isn’t a bad idea but from a knowledge-based approach, dabbling isn’t enough. You might think you KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, but instead you are just a novice getting caught up or stuck in your own drama, head- trips, and blind spots.

How often does this apply to you? Are you are involved in a project or a relationship at your “understanding level” and then it starts to unravel? It’s like “just when I thought I knew” I don’t. Do you make assumptions about trusting another person (personal or professional) to only find out they were not accurate?

What I discovered about this practice was the concept of the container that means how you perform OMing is expected to be clear, concise, and direct. It’s not four-play, you do not add anything, like music or essential oils, or remove anything from the practice. Just stick to the OM container and everything else needs to wait outside is essentially the message.

This has been my biggest challenge as a conscientious practitioner because I want to break it even though I have the KNOWLEDGE BASE about what could happen. What happens you may wonder? You are no longer OMing you are dabbling. My writing coach friend used to say OMing is often a reflection of your life.

I have come to understand that I trust myself more when I OM. It’s because I have spent 15 minutes of my focused exquisite attention on myself and my partner without judgment, without my monkey mind running amok, and without my fear telling me I can’t do this. OM has also enhanced my other meditation and yoga practices. OM has increased profits in my business, improved my relationships, and increased clarity in my desires.

That’s nice you might think what about trusting your partner? What has this got to do with a meditation practice? Notice again what I said increases and what deceases in this practice.

• Increases in clarity & self-confidence
• Increased business profits
• Improved relationships

• Decreases in doubt & judgment
• Decreases in fear
• Decreases in drama

Of course my results may not be your results if you dabble or try it one to a handful of times? And even if you practice weekly you may not experience the exact same results as me. I never said it was a competition. ☺

I have had a consistent OM partner for about a year and we have learned to hold the container, even though we still want to break it by adding a little of this or say
“Just one more thing.” We have learned the practice and have decided to simply OM.

We have begun to increase our trust and we notice that we have a limbic connection, which translates to non-OMers – we can feel each other☺ I don’t mean at a Marvel Comic mind-reading level. I mean we have a shared connection and there is space for the emotions as well as the support. I had an experience with my OM partner that once I was asked in a room full of people what I desired. He could feel my answer as we both said it.

My partner and I have discussed how challenging and scary it can be to trust your partner when you aren’t sure? If they are requesting a movement change that frankly you cannot see or know for certain, can you do it? Please note the language use of can (meaning ability only not should which is shame based word)?

How does this play out in your life move without seeing the next certain steps? What do you do? Clients I have coached have learned to trust their desire and not focus on what if? Remember those dramas, head-trips, and blind spots… that often increased our doubt, judgment, and fear. Clients I have coached have learned to trust their feelings so when a partner requests more trust they can decide independent of guilt, fear, or shame.

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

“When a good person meets a bad system, the system always wins.” – Frank Voehl”

In light of our current political or corporate climate we may believe this quote on a bad day. I remember hearing over and over early on in my career that “absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

I would see this all the time when somebody was a nice person, a good friend, or a mentor and they would seem to change overnight. We, the front line folks, thought the administration, the top brass in the ivory towers, finally heard us and gave us a good supervisor. This supervisor understood us, our day-to-day business duties, and could give us the information we desired. They could stand up to the bad system!

Instead, we the common folk would watch in horror, as our favorite soon became our unfavorite. We suddenly see our sense of value at work just deteriorate and the same problems happen over and over again.

We would complain to a mentor and ask how to deal with them and ourselves? Shock, disbelief, anger, and sadness are all forms of a grieving cycle. Frankly, it sucks to grieve at work.

I remember more than once working with “good” colleagues that seemed to know how to stay above the fray at work, had excellent working reputations, and were effective communicators. What some of us didn’t foresee, that these newly minted leaders became gruff, stopped listening, and would just “deliver” new policies and procedures without direction or consideration. Sounds familiar?

What I witnessed was a transformation of good colleagues that really weren’t good. In order, to be good one cannot just “act like it.” The new were self-serving and dubious.

This (long plunge into a pit of despair of ruined expectations) happens daily at work for so many employees and colleagues. So why do we fall pray to believe that perhaps one person can change the system, when most just fail and act more like the system?

When I hear from my clients, my peers, my community, and my family whom do they admire a person who change the system or person who can play the system well? The answer is the one good person CAN change any system. Why else have hope?

So how does a good person communicate change in a bad system?

When change is about to happen in an organization here are few things to think about, does the following occur from leadership?
1. Describe what is going to happen.
2. Explain why the change is necessary.
3. Ask for reactions; listen to comments and feelings.
4. Acknowledge comments or objections and check for misunderstandings.
5. Ask for suggestions.
6. Follow through.

This seems simple enough because even mediocre leaders will do this.
I want to give you a secret I learned about good vs. bad leaders, colleagues, and supervisors.

There really is no such thing as good vs. bad. There is likable vs. unlikable and there is effective vs. ineffective. I discovered that good labels created such high and unachievable standards of greatness that invariably I and everyone else I met would eventually feel “crestfallen” with their choices. A professional bad label also created such a negative stereotype that no matter what this person did it wasn’t good enough.

However, when I realized I liked and didn’t like some folks that was my choice. I have professional values and so does everyone else. I also accepted the fact that some professionals only consider themselves at work- because that’s all they can control. I also learned effective vs. ineffective qualities are quantifiable. This meant that if the new leader wasn’t up to snuff that wasn’t my issue only a reflection of the current leadership abilities and choices.

The bottom line is that I never have to hand my power over to a “bad system.” When I all I need to do is look at my professional values. I could also choose to be an effective employee, colleague, or supervisor to the best of my ability. It may not be my choice if other professionals like me but I could certainly do my best to try.

The next time you are told there is a bad system out there and it’s a fixed game, notice how quickly everyone else hands over his or her power. That is the first sign of an ineffective, unlikable, and powerless person.

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.
If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

Have you ever been laid off? If you have or feared you might be it’s often the most devastating professional experience you can have.

One of my clients expressed to me that getting laid off wasn’t a good thing. She said it was like “being thrown into a murky red sea filled with sharks and monsters.” She wasn’t sure about what was safe, what would make her ok, or what else she could do?

If you are like some Americans they live paycheck to paycheck and a layoff with some notice is helpful, but most are laid off with less than two weeks notice. This is frightening!

What do you tell your creditors, your friends, and your family? Where to start to pick up the pieces?

Here are some tried and true things to remember during a layoff:

1) Remain professional AND don’t burn any bridges. This is not the time to tell people what you really think of them in person or on Social Media. If you can thank your prior employer and co-workers for the experience, this is good enough.

2) Ask for contact information and reference information from your coworkers and the company. You will need this information for your next job and once you remember step 1 to be professional it will help.

3) Consider lateral transfers, both permanent and temporary. If you are able to negotiate your layoff by accepting a different position in the company or a temporary place do if you prefer to have more time at your current employer.

4) Remember to run a cash flow analysis of your funds.

So then what?

In my opinion, this is where the real work begins. Yes if you are willing, able, and the opportunity presents itself you can accept temporary work assignments for as long as you need to.

However, what does it mean to restart your career after a layoff, just work for the other companies’ competitor? Or does it mean you find what makes you spark?

Here are some important steps to find your spark?
1) Get clear on what you don’t want with your next permanent assignment or position. That’s really the most important first step. Many times we try to “go for the gold” position and quite frankly we aren’t always ready. We aren’t ready because sometimes we try to bargain with our fears if we are really worthy of the gold position. This comes across sometimes as we don’t know what we want and we remain uncertain. The best way to deal with uncertainty is to accept it as a moving state and focus on for sure we don’t want the following things.

For me, when I was laid off I didn’t want to work another supervisor that I didn’t trust. I was laid off same day with no pay, no prospects, and no contacts.

I wanted to be able to feel and see their support as a manager and anytime I felt it waned I looked for another job. Guess what? That has never happened I have never been laid off again because I learned that as soon as my supervisor’s support waned it was time for me to move on.

2) Get clear on what you do want. This is when creating a list of needs, duties, and FEELINGS of what you desire is good. The feelings are the most important because if you can’t feel what the new will be like go back to what you don’t want. a kernel of truth will show up and that’s what you want to focus on.

3) Start to evaluate and utilize what you do have. This means evaluate your resources. Review your contacts, skills, talents, and motivation. This will help formulate your choices. When I was laid off with no warning I was on my phone before I hit the parking lot calling and texting friends for support, reaching out to see if they knew of any jobs in my field, and how would they describe me as a job candidate? Because right then I couldn’t think of myself as marketable. Within 48 hours, everyone I knew had contacted me given their support, made suggestions, looked at my resume, took my resume to their bosses, offered up leads, and then asked the most important question, “What are you going to do?”

4) It is our choices that define us not our abilities. Do you know what my answer was? I have a new job right now! It was that simple and it worked!

But what about Shock and Grief?

Any kind of transition in our lives requires reflection and time to process. The important thing to remember is once the basics are handled never forget your choice to stay committed to yourself. You can work “doing a job” while you learning to delve into your passion. Most folks I have met it takes them sometime to figure out what they really want to do with their careers and their lives. Part of the reason for the layoff is to call to your attention this isn’t working and what else could I be doing?

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

Do you wake-up day after day feeling bored, exhausted, tired, or just plugging along? Do you try to feel enthusiastic in front of your boss or in front of your employees? Have your mastered your faux enthusiastic smile?

I used to be like that I was so disconnected from my enthusiasm that I would go to bed with a headache and wake up after little sleep with dread. I had on-going disappointment in my team and in my leadership. I wouldn’t just sit there and bite my lip fearing I would scream, “ I quit.” I came home moody and irritated exhausting my family with my on-going work problems.

Enthusiasm for your work is a necessary ingredient in order to be (not just feel) HAPPY! Enthusiasm provides more fuel for your day! Enthusiasm can get you noticed for great timing, for star leadership, and excellent creative solutions in a time crunch. Why don’t more people express their enthusiasm?

IT’S A RISK!

It’s a risk because you and your work would have to be in alignment. How do your begin this path of mastering yourself at work?

Here is a question I never thought to ask myself, was my enthusiasm totally calibrated to my desire? Remember that juicy, meaty, I don’t want to take just one bite word? DESIRE, DESIRE, DESIRE!!! I clearly wanted to do a good job and I was willing to work for it! Yet, my desire to do well and my actual experiences were off-kilter. Desire is a powerful manifestation tool. The amount of desire calibrates your enthusiasm determines your outcome.

I desire.. is a word stem that can actually start to fill you up on the inside. Can you imagine starting your day with I DESIRE instead of I WISH?

I’ve learned that allowing for my desire to come forward is an excellent way to determine my DESIRED gifts and talents and how I choose to use them. One of my huge frustrations was I had to put out someone else’s on-going fires, miscommunications, and failings.

3 keys for desire to fuel enthusiasm

1) When I transform chaos into control and clarity for someone else, how does this affect me? Do I feel like I enjoyed it? Or does it weigh me down again?
The answer is I have enthusiasm for some chaotic things, situations, and people! These people and situations that I do have enthusiasm for are challenging, exciting, and I learned from the experiences too.

2) When I communicate with my colleagues, my clients, and my supervisors do I feel understood? Can I also empathize with them without judgment? The second one is very important if I’m having trouble with empathy. This means I’m not feeling a clear and balanced connection. A lack of clarity in communication means I can’t see the forest through the trees and this usually creates it’s own added chaos.

3) When I am on purpose with my enthusiasm, my clarity, and my communication has profit increased? The answer is yes because if it’s not let’s go back to the first and second keys. I have had great potential clients that won’t hear me, there is no profit for either one of us. So they continue their problem with no changes and no solutions. Or I notice I’m having trouble connecting to them. I’ve had business deals that were fantastic on paper, started out great, and were total hell to get to the end, with minimal profit or a loss. I have also had challenging clients and enjoyed the entire process while developing a long-term relationship with them. That’s because there is a pattern of trust and a pattern of profit.

I coach women daily on how to cultivate their enthusiasm and desire so they can find their strengths, use their talents and gifts at work and in life.

If you would like a free 30-minute consultation please feel free to connect with me at http://jeanniedougherty.com/contact/.

In my last BLOG I wrote about what makes collaboration work with Your Keys to Collaborate Effectively. I have met many working professionals, business owners, and executives that struggle with a difficult business collaboration.

What often draws you to another individual can also be the reason to repel you. Some folks are extremely charismatic and full of energy. They may be what I call the shiny object in the room with lots of sparkle. With time you may learn they have little to no substance. They may seem incredibly generous with a face-to-face conversation and just can’t seem to keep an appointment with you unless it’s late at night or the weekends.

I too have received 3 am FB messages from an amazing business professional to realize that when they do think of our collaboration its late at night and in a hurried manner of “Sorry its so late but…”

When one desires for collaboration one often thinks their fellow co-collaborator is just like them when it comes to temperament, motivation, ability, resources, and decision making – the reality that is rarely the case.

What to look for in terms of temperament?

1. Accountability
2. Flexibility
3. Knowledge Based or SME- Subject Matter Expertise
4. Excellent Communication Skills
5. Good Conflict Management Skills

No one has to be a 10 in all of these areas but it’s good to know if you are collaborating with a yes person that may ask a critical question only if they feel comfortable.

Motivation and Ability are at the crux in determining how your collaboration is going? Sometimes, it’s the only way to see if you can remain in the collaboration or just simply move forward.

What to know about the difference between Motivation and Ability?

Remember the charismatic shiny object person I mentioned earlier that may have high ability but low motivation to work with you. Except, you aren’t entirely sure or you think it’s best in business to always extend yourself to them. The easiest way to understand the difference: motivation CANNOT overcome ANY lack of ability.

Did you ever consider what kinds of resources you have and are willing to share with your collaborator? Did you ever think about their resources and what they are willing to share? Resources can be tools, contacts, cash, and role functions.

***Role functions are important resource particularly if the collaboration is an event like a play, fund-raiser, or a communications event- radio show, TV program. How many times someone has been a host, or played a role in a play can be an important asset to the team and their knowledge is resource material. ***

Collaborative decision-making often requires excellent communication skills and good conflict management skills.

Here is what usually prevents effective decisions to be made:

1. Too little information
2. Too much information
3. People-Pleasing
4. Emotional attachments
5. No emotional attachments

Here are some strategies for effective decision-making:

1. Create some brain-storming session(s) around road blocks or barriers
2. Set-up a time scale
3. Allow for some folks to make a decision and not having to wait for consensus
4. Weigh and determine Risks
5. Be clear on goal or purpose or values of collaboration at the beginning and reflect on these throughout the collaboration

The secret-sauce to collaboration often requires consistent communication, well-defined responsibilities, and allowing for the unknown.